I sat down and looked back at the 6 months of my pregnancy and only one word came to my mind to sum it up: bitter. Why was I bitter? Why was I resentful? Was it my pregnancy hormones talking? I started the blame game, I blamed my husband for dumping me with his mom in Malaysia. I blamed him for making take the stupid pastry course (which actually did cheer me up a little but strained my legs and vagina) I blamed his mom for not taking care of me after I abruptly stopped my classes (both doctor's and husband's orders) I blamed everyone around me. I was hard on myself, how could I let this happen to me?
The doctor had many theories why I got the PP in the first place. This is my first pregnancy. I never had abortion, operation or scarring on my vagina before! I am fit as a fiddle! I used to do 5KM on the mill before I got pregnant. I had switched my vodkas to Merlots.
Then I looked back at how this shit started in the first place. The first sign I overlooked was the vomiting after I touched down at KLIA back in February. I had bucket load of medicines with me at that time. The doctor advised me against travelling but we had a target to meet. We wanted to open a bakery and I needed to get the knowledge. We wasted good time in Malacca for some stupid temple opening ceremony.
Then the husband and I went to KL to our new pad. We both lovingly decorated it with Ikea furniture. This was my second strain. I shouldn't have picked up those chairs; no matter how light weight it was. But the husband thought it was OK. I told him it's not ok. I have a hereditary problem- I don't blame him. We were both very naive and this is my primi gravida. He left after the house was fully furnished. We ran out of budget and his demanding mom wanted her bed first. Get me a bed! Get me a bed! Bed! Beeedddd! So we decided to get the kind of bed she wanted and I would sleep on the floor in my room on a 4 inch mattress while his mom will sleep on a 12 inch mattress on a bed. Then after inspecting the house, she went to her daughter's house and wasted one month there. Horay! I get to spend the whole month at my parents house. The third straw came when I had to drive thru and fro to classes everyday from Banting to Putrajaya Sentral and change 2 trains, and walk 500 meters to my classes. Which also meant I was exposed to the unpredictable KL weather. I walked in the rain. I switched to slippers because my Mary Janes were getting soaked into. Despite the rain, the state was predicting water rationing at my area.
Then came the water rationing. His mom decided to come back after the husband reminded her that he's not paying the rent in KL for no one to stay there. I was of course reluctant to stay with his mom. She would make me do the house work. By then my 90 day visa was expiring and I didn't want to lose the free medical coverage so I went back to Doha for the weekend. Our studio apartment in Doha was a mess. My husband was losing weight. So I cleaned up the place. The next morning I started bleeding at the airport. I called my husband and he was worried as hell. I asked the steward for a pad. When I landed thank god my family were there seeing their faces cheered me up and I went back to my parents house. The next day I woke up at 5am. Went to see the doctor. She gave me meds and told me to stop doing any work at all
I went to my class dishearten and feeling extremely sorry for myself. When I went back to my house in KL his mom was waiting there for me. She was watching some soap on TV. I went to my room and unpacked. His mom has this bad habit of sneaking up on me and my husband at our most private moments and she sneaked up on me. Said we had no water. I said I am going back to my parents. I can't stay one month without water. I am pregnant. I offered to send her to the train. She wanted to go back Malacca to her step-daughter's house. Fine by me, suit yourself. Exhausted when I reached my parents I slept sound on the thick, very expensive spring and coil mattress my parents had installed for me and my siblings. My mom wasn't back from her trip to India and I missed her terribly
In the second month I spent my time in Banting I cheered up amicably, got to spend my father's birthday and had a generally good time. Then the water rationing stopped. So I had to go back to my marital house. How I dreaded going back! But I had to. So I did with a heavy heart. He reminded his mom of her duty towards me and she came back to KL too. Then my mom came back from India. It was delightful! I went back home and spent some good weekend with her. I brought his mom along with me. For the first few days she behaved well and on the last day had a brazilian blow-out drama because she wanted to go back early and mind you I was tired and I didn't want to do much driving. She blew out of all places in the hair salon I went to get a haircut. I rolled my eyes and vowed never to bring her anywhere with me. So much for gratitude. After all gratuitousness is cultivated and never expect it from gross people.
I had passed my first trimesters, with bumps down the road. Now I was gearing for my second trimester. I cooked my own meals while staying in my house in KL. I never ate anything anyone else cooked because the people that stayed with me had poor kitchen hygiene and an awfully unhealthy diet. Which they flaunted. *roll eyes* Remember what Dale Carnegie said-Ignore people you don't like. I stayed away from people and germs, refused to go anywhere but my parent's home and at all times spent good time in my room reading-until my laptop gave up. Then I ventured out to the living room to watch TV. I had no idea all the great shows Discovery and Nat Geo had in Malaysia. I thought they showed crap! I was hooked! His mom wasn't very happy I was taking away 2 hours from her 8am-10pm TV time. I told her it's temporary I will go back in 2 months time. You can do whatever you like after that. I won't be here to watch your TV or ruin your routine. *roll eyes*
One fine day I decided sleeping on a mattress on the floor is not fair for me, plus standing up was such a pain and unless my husband got me a bed I was going back Banting so off we went to Ikea to buy a bed for me. I got a nice King size bed I wanted for myself. Then his mom decided she was getting bored staying in the house on days at end and wanted to go out. Whatever. I moved the chest of drawers with my back so as not to pressure my front but the next day I bleed! Shit! I went to the emergency early morning and got an an injection up my butt. The doctor told me off no MORE HEAVY WORK! I decided this was my last straw so I called up my mom and told her to tell his mom everything. About the bleeding at the airport, everything. It dawned upon his mom if she failed her duty as a "good, sensible mother in law" and if something had happened to me or my child the blame will come to her. More than anything in the world, she is afraid of her "good name in society" A miscarriage will ruin that for her. *roll eyes* By now I already knew in and out so I just avoided her most of the time. To avoid cooking dinner for her, I stayed back after classes and read up the recipe books. Sometimes I walk to the restaurants near Brickfields and ate the restaurants I like. Sometimes I give them whatever pastry I had made during the day. Other times I go to my aunt and spent some good hours eating fresh, crispy, hot paratha my sister in law cooks for me. At times I sit in the car listening to BFM and generally avoided all phone calls except my mom's
The final nail on my coffin was when I bleed for no reason! That was my second month of my course and I figured I must have stood for too long for my classes, although the doctor said that's perfectly good for you. I stopped my classes and spent the final miserable month in KL with his mom in the house. I cried and begged him to change my tickets so I can come back early but he insisted I spend "quality time" with his mom but I knew better than that. She kept asking if I wanted to eat chili. One day I told her to make chili whatever she want for herself not for me. You know some food are not best not eaten during pregnancy? In the one month I cooked healthy meals for her and myself; everyday toiling in the kitchen alone with my recipe book open. She sneaks up to me all the time when I am cooking to see how I do it. I give her the recipe book and tell her to read it. She shows me her recipe book from 100 years ago *roll eyes* I had to stop her from time to time to dumping her finger into my food to taste it. I said its not hygiene. Get a spoon for God's sake! The kitchen duty did it's toll on me and I bleed twice. Of course I wasn't going to tell her, I told my mom to do it. By now I had made up my mind-I will never have her here for my delivery
I had bleed so many times during my first and second trimester I couldn't even keep record when it happened. If you are pregnant and you have read my experience, 6 months abroad and away from my husband here are some advises to follow:
- don't stay away from your husband
- don't listen to people's unsolicited advise on what to eat and not to eat. The doctor is your friend
- stay away from your mother in law
- keep her away from you
So when I did come back to Doha after 5 and half month of shit in Malaysia my poor placenta moved further down and now I an scheduled for an early delivery in September. Of course his mom doesn't know this. Of course she blew up her chance to come here. OF course she is not GETTING ANYWHERE NEAR MY BABY